This mum's journey: Page 2

Sitting distractedly in her rocking chair, fingers resting on the laptop, she reads a random sentimental quote on Facebook. A surge of emotions come rushing forwards that she just can't contain. This year so far has been very hard, there have been alot of purely wonderful things happening around her but there has also been some tragedy, disasters and negativity. She is an emotional, empathetic person who internalises everything. She feels all of the happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety and frustration of all of those who surround her and she takes on board both the positive and negative energies and generally they equal each other out. On this day however she is feeling particularly down due to life in general and after reading this particular quote on facebook, as lovely as it was, she just wants to curl into a ball as teeny tiny as she can and cry. Things have just snowballed and finally the things that aren't quite right in her world are really starting to bring her down, her life is quite cyclical, she has those wonderful times where things just seem to work and then she has those times of normalcy where its just life as usual and at the end is the time where its all too hard and she wants to give up resulting in some kind of tantrum, fight or revelation which leads back to the beginning again. She feels like she could do more, could be a better mother, wife, friend, person. She feels like she should be able to committ more time to the important day to day things, the running of her home, keeping those around her happy and satisfied. Then she wonders where she fits in, she's not just mum, wife and housekeeper..... she is creative and sociable. She doesn't have time for that right now though, she doesn't have time for anything and it's bringing her down. Needing a quiet moment or an outlet that she doesn't have time for she has taken to giving up and shutting down as its all too hard. She knows it's not as bad as she is feeling it is right at this moment but when the hole has been dug and the dirt has caved in around you it's hard to claw a way out again. "Chin up" she thinks to herself as she starts trying to think of a way to get a little bit of satisfaction from her day. Feeling a little better at having allowed herself a moment to feel the emotions that come with being who she is she takes a deep breath and gets on with her day.

This mum's journey: page one

Sitting on the shower floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, the steaming water hitting her skin while she reflects on the moments passed and contemplates the moments to come. Feeling rather horrible due to a recent outbreak of sickness that has spread through her home she is enjoying the quiet selfish moment knowing that it won't last. This day will be filled with cries of "mummy i need you' and 'mummy i want this' so she knows she has to pull herself together, both mind and body so that she can give as much as she possibly can. Her two sick little boys have been put through the wringer this past week or so and are tired, miserable and needy, one staving off an infection and the other possibly beginning to develop it. Wishing she could take it all away and suffer it all herself on their behalf but knowing she can't is beginning to make her feel frustrated and helpless. A screaming, tear filled knock on the bathroom door trips her back into reality and she knows that this time of selfish quietness has come to an end. Dragging her body up off the floor and out of the heavenly stream of warmth created by the shower is a difficult task. The cries have stopped but she knows that it won't be long before they begin again. Reluctantly drying and dressing herself she steps out of her coocoon and back into her world. The sound of the door closing behind her is quickly followed by the sound of bare feet padding across the tiles in her direction. She turns and looks down upon the face of the little person that has made his way to her, tears still glistening in his big brown eyes and a steady stream of snot running from his nose down to his lips. He holds his arms out and says 'mummy'. She scoops him up in her arms and as he wraps his arms around her and nestles into her shoulder she realises just how worthwhile her life really is.