A Vow

I've been thinking a lot about life lately; how i see myself, how others see me, how i would like to see myself. Most of my thought processes have been rather miserable, self centered and negative and it took a little scare today to wake me up and bring me back to reality. I guess you could say i have been feeling a bit depressed, I've been so caught up on playing one of life's victims when i could actually be playing a hero, which is how i would like to be seen by my two most precious little boys. The grey cloud that I've been hiding behind feels as though it has lifted and instead of thinking why me, why does this always happen to me, why does my life suck, why do people seem to be able to stress me out and piss me off so easily, i am thinking well actually why not me? I've been self involved, unhealthy, and unavailable. I have managed to find myself seriously caught up in other peoples lives and even though i love to be involved with others, especially those that i love, i have found that i am prioritizing it all wrong and because of this lack of judgement the things i do for others seem to have far more importance than the things i do for my own special little family. I need to put them and myself first and then if i have the time and energy left i would love to be able to use it to help others .I love my friends but i know in my heart that i need to prioritize my little family just as they should theirs.  As a mother of the two most beautiful children one could imagine i have decided that this current state of living isn't good enough, changes need to occur and quickly. Instead of thinking about all of the things that i would love to do, have and be i am going to actually do them, have them and be them. So tonight i am making a vow. In about 5 months i'll be turning 30 years old (yes i said thirty!) by this time i want to be living the life i deserve, and that my family deserves. So i am going to make a list of the things that i plan to do to achieve this goal.

I vow to:

Always be available to my family (especially my children) and not just present
Avoid social networking and to only use it at certain decided times
Drastically reduce the amount of time the family relies on technology for entertainment
Create a healthy meal plan and start eating properly myself (no more skipping breakfast)
Involve myself and the children in more active time
Set aside 'special time' each day for each child
Allow myself a certain day to do something creative each week
Allow myself some time away from the children to be and adult and not just a mum
Set myself a household routine
Encourage a weekly family activity that isn't technology based (e.g. watching a movie)

I am sure there will be a few more things that i will think of but these are a few of the things that i really feel that i need to work on. I have realised more and more that i am treating my children like more of a hindrance and that is absolutely not the way i view them, they are my heart and my whole universe so i need to start treating them as such, and i also want to feel like i deserve to have another child, if that's what this life intends. So this is it, hopefully with some good planning and some even better follow through i will be embracing this short life with a much more positive perspective. See you on the other side (the better one..... you know where the grass is greener)