Shhhhh......

Do you ever wish that you had a secret?

Ok this is a bit of a random post but as i was completing some mundane household tasks and listening to some music this morning i was transported, as always, into my own little head-space. This is a place where jumping onto the train of thought can lead you to ambiguous places. I jumped around through various different thought processes until finally settling on one that captured my attention for long enough to give it some prolonged thought. In the end i decided that it was thought provoking enough for me to have to stop what i was doing (unfortunately for my pile of dishes) and to pour these thoughts out of my mind, through my fingers and onto this page. 

So do you ever wish you had a secret? 

I am not talking about something like an affair or an assassination attempt or a theft or anything serious like that, i am simply talking about having something that is truly just your own. Maybe a diary with the wonderful, continuing  story of your life or a book of amazing poetry, song lyrics or drawings that never see the light of day unless solely in your presence? Or a project that you work on that nobody knows about and may never know about?  I have nothing like that. My life is an open book, very descriptive of who i am. I am open, honest and sharing, sociable, caring, giving  and i talk.... a lot (i also have some bad qualities but i am choosing not to go there today). I share my daily life with anyone who will listen (maybe sometimes to my own detriment as some may get tired of hearing it), i share my 'diary' which is this right here that you are reading now, and i share any passion projects that i have openly. I guess i am a proud person too, I like to get a reaction for the things that i think that i have done well and have a talent for. I know i do crave acknowledgement from others (also  to my own detriment). 

I think i need a secret.

I think that i need something that i can do on my own and for myself and only for myself. Something that may potentially never be shared with anyone else and might not ever see the light of day . I think i need this to  get back to feeling self satisfied. Too often i seek acknowledgement elsewhere and if i don't get the feedback that i think i desire, then i feel unhappy with myself and what i have done no matter how much work and thought went in to it. This isn't a negative post, it isn't a post to say all of things that a wrong in my life and it isn't being written to ask for anything more from anyone else. I am blessed with an amazing, loving family, friends that are so wonderful that i sometimes feel unworthy of having them and a life that is sweet and inspired. I think this needs to be my something that I can fail at without having anyone know I'm failing or to succeed at without putting pressure on myself to do so. 

What will my secret be?

I guess you may never know, lovely reader. Maybe every now and then i may drop a hint or write an obscure and whimsical post eluding to it or maybe i won't write anything or share anything at all. In the end i just hope that you are getting everything that you want and desire from the life that you are living. If not then i hope you are on the path to finding inspiration, fulfillment and satisfaction, no matter how long, winding and steep this journey may be.  I do feel as though i am on my way, i just need to keep connecting with myself and keep my heart and mind open. 

xx

School holidays: Day 5

Busy but not in the right way.
Today we cancelled our scheduled trip to the museum. I feel run down and my niece had hurt her foot last night. So we decided that we'd have any easy day today. At about 9 am I made a decision that changed the course of the day and not for the better. I changed and appointment with a kitchen designer from moday to today at 2pm. In doing that I turned an otherwise quiet slow day into a major pain and stress. We ended up deciding to go to the pet shop to salvage the day a little and to use the plan for tomorrow, today. Do the children had a look at all of the different animals and then when we got back to nannies (which is where we spent the day) they drew some pictures and engaged each other in a conversation about what they had seen. I had to rush off to the appointment, which was horrid. Today was a down day. I feel like I want to be doing south more than I can right now my mind says 'go' and my body says 'no way'. This is as much as I can write today and no pictures. I still have to catch up on pictures from yesterday. Hope tomorrow is more successful.

School holidays: Day 4

Busy but not in the right way.

Today we cancelled our scheduled trip to the museum. I feel run down and my niece had hurt her foot  last night. So we decided  that we'd have any easy day today. At about 9 am I made a decision that changed the course of the day and not for the better. I changed and appointment with a kitchen designer from moday to today at 2pm. In doing that I turned an otherwise quiet slow day into a major pain and stress. We ended up deciding to go to the pet shop to salvage the day a little and to use the plan for tomorrow, today. Do the children had a look at all of the different animals and then when we got back to nannies (which is where we spent the day) they drew some pictures and engaged each other in a conversation about what they had seen. I had to rush off to the appointment, which was horrid. Today was a down day. I feel like I want to be doing south more than I can right now my mind says 'go' and my body says 'no way'. This is as much as I can write today and no pictures. I still have to catch up on pictures from yesterday. Hope tomorrow is more successful. 

Our school holidays Day 3

A short post.
I'm feeling pretty horrid tonight and have been all day, which really sucks as getting a cold/sinus was not in my holiday plan!! As much as I didn't feel up to it today I still followed the plan and took my little guys to buy veggie and herb plants today. It probably wasn't the best thing to do, by 4:00 this afternoon (which was when we finally planted them) I was really ready to take it easy. The planting was rushed and unplanned and it's all over the place BUT we do have a little garden to call our own. It has a few carrots, snow peas, purple cauliflower and a bunch of herbs (rosemary, thyme, chives, coriander and parsley). If we get nothing else out of this day but the experience it was worth while. I also had somebody come and measure my kitchen and showed me a plan of what it could look like which was brilliant to see. I do have some pictures from the day to share however they will have to wait for just a little while. I may change my plan for tomorrow as it was going to be a day out and I am not sure if I will feel up to it. Will see what happens.

Challenge

There are very many other things that I should be doing right now but if I don't get this out of my mind I'll dwell on it and my mind is already stuffy right now. Maybe it's that I'm feeling sensitive and run down a bit with the onset of a cold that's making me feel a bit more wary of it. I don't react we'll to confrontation or to being challenged, I never have and I most likely never will but here I am in the most challenging years of my life. I feel challenged and confronted in many different aspects of my life every single day several times a day. I react in different ways to different situations, some times I shut down, other times I meet these challenges head on and deal with them in a clear headed positive way, and some times I overreact without thinking. Every now and then I want a challenge free day, a day where I don't have to justify every tiny thing that I say or do, but to have a day like that would mean that I would have to be myself which will never happen for me. It's never that i don't want my life or that I don't embrace it and accept it, it's just sometimes even the most commited people just need a minute or an hour or two every once in a while away from the things that define them and make them who they are. I don't feel hard done by or sorry for myself I just needed to say it and get it out of my mind. Maybe acknowledging the feeling and letting it go will feel like enough for me. And to be honest I have chosen this life, I chose to make my life about family when I became a wife and mother and this is my defining role. Maybe it's just selfish human nature that drives me to want something other than this for myself for a moment sometimes. I know it's not too much to ask to desire time away from home life but every situation and person is different and perhaps if I  really desperately wanted the opportunities then I would create them for myself. Maybe I don't want them as much as I think I do? Maybe I'm just tired and struggling my way through this week. Maybe i do feel a little better now.

School Holiday Journal: Day 2

I'm exhausted! 

So are 2 little boys 

Today was our day to visit our friends. We made the effort to take the 20 minute drive out to my besties house, which I do not do nearly enough but i plan to do more (if she'll have us). Originally it was because of my fears of driving but the more I do it the better I feel about it. She made me a lovely coffee and we took baking for morning tea to share. The kids ran madly around having a go at whatever they could get their little hands on. Drawing, leggo, doll's houses, computer games and various other toys. They had a wonderful time and were nice and tired by the time we decided to head home. Little boy fell asleep in the car only to wake when we got home, essentially swapping his nap for a 20min power snooze. Big boy wanted to use the computer when we got home so he cleaned his play room and then i let him as a very rare treat. I did a quick houseclean before my niece came over and then my sister in law and nephew arrived. From then in the rest of my day is a blur if botched hair dye jobs, screaming running crazy loud children x4, overwhelmingly tired body and dysfunctional brain, the onset of sinus irritation, a quick thrown together dinner and finally crawling into bed. Oh did I add that two little boys had haircuts first thing this morning (they are so gorgeous)

I am enjoying the full days and I love that my boys are exhausted by the end and go to bed without any argument. I think if I wasn't feeling so tired I'd be coping better. 

So I am in bed at 7:30 so I can hopefully catch up on some sleep tonight and be rested for another full day tomorrow. 

Our school holiday diary: Day 1

What a day!!! Today was Baking day and we were meant to do a time capsule activity too but did painting instead.

We baked three different types of goodies which was a huge push for me because I love baking and cooking but i hate my kitchen, or rather the lack of space in it. Two little boys and I made chocolate slice and cheeky Anzac cookies (with carrot purée). The recipes were both from school: The Anzac one brought home by Owen from school and the Slice one was from when i did Food Technology at school. After this we picked up my lovely niece and visited the movie shop to get our usual $1.00 weekly movie each. When we got home it was lunch time and time for the little boy to sleep. While he slept the two older children played an imaginative game and I made mandarin cupcakes and added the rest of the carrot purée. I then mixed the paints and tacked some paper to the back fence. Little boy woke so they all went and had a wonderful time being artistic. When they were done it was time to ice the cupcakes with dark chocolate chip frosting. After 3 or 4 loads of dishes, vacuuming 3 times, sorting a little of the washing out and getting done all of the above activities this mum is a bit tired! Nearly time to put a movie on for each of the boys as they have had no tv time today which is a challenge in itself, and for me to have a quick cup of Earl Grey before I put the roast on for dinner.

Super Moon

Sometimes in life things get overwhelming and negative. And then sometimes things happen that cause you to freeze in a moment, take a deep breath and remember what life is all about. Tonight I had a few of those moments. Just my camera, tripod and I having a quiet moment in the cool night air, watching the blanket of clouds block out the brilliant glow of the moon, only to dissipated moments later leaving me with a few moments of the breathtaking view that was tonight's 'Super Moon'. I am pretty tired typing this and I am sure it will warrant a few corrections but I just wanted to  share some shots with you.

School Holiday Program

Last school holidays were unproductive, boring and a real struggle to get through. The children fought and argued the whole time due to boredom and lack of stimulation. This time i have created a simple program of activities and outings, one for each day of the two week except for the two Sundays (sometimes brains and bodies do need a little rest time). Some of these activities have been inspired by a 'Family Fun' calendar that i purchased at the start of the year, it has a theme for each month and includes activity sheets. We are 6 months behind (yes that means we haven't done any of them at all yet).  I am going to share the program here and hopefully keep you updated on how it's progressing. I have also purchased cheap scrapbooks so that the children can create a holiday journal and they keep all of their activities that they complete in it. The link is below.

June/July School Holiday Program

Enjoying obscurity

I rather enjoyed writing my last post so as I am enjoying a quiet (ok semi-quiet) moment I wanted to write another.

A splat painting, a straw blown painting and a masterpiece.

Hot, black and sweet... Liquid heaven

Sunshine after the rain

Enthusiastic activity planning

A clean and tidy home

Tired eyes that threaten to close and welcome blissful, much needed slumber

Washing to do, washing to hang, to fold and to put away

Being practical and making hard practical decisions even when you have your heart set on something, like bamboo 

Writing things that don't quite add up or make sense

X 

A little touch of huh?

I'm having a bit of an obscure kind of day so I am writing an obscure kind of post.

Off white, bamboo and a touch of chocolate perhaps?

Big deep baths

That second coffee this morning

My darling friend who enjoys the same quirks as I

A kleptomaniac and a clinger

Bright orange and yellow flames devouring wood

Afternoon sunshine

The prospect of something new and exciting 

Mid-week takeaway... Just because

Love, cuddles and laughter

Opening up our home....

If you'd have been a fly on my wall over the  past 48 hours there's a good chance you'd have seen my frenzied cleaning and tidying efforts. We had a valuer come through our home today. We are hoping we can get a little top up on our loan so that the kitchen and bathroom can be done. At the moment I don't love our kitchen and it's become even worse due to the water leak and resulting mould in part of the cupboards. Today I'd like to invite you in to see some of the spaces in our home and perhaps you might get to know me a little better.
1: Dining area with my sweet little boy, fresh flowers from our hedge and our 70+ year old table
2: My children's play space
3: The kitchen- the cause of alot of my stress and happiness
4: The bedroom contains side tables hand made by my Pop and a little jewellery tree gifted to me by my gorgeous 5 year old
5: 'My chair' next to the fireplace, I have spend many many hours rocking my boys to sleep, reading stories and just having cuddles on this chair. Also my handmade dream catchers hang on the wall.
6: The rest of our living area- shelves containing an eclectic mix of stuff.

Trust your instincts

Trust your instincts, especially when it comes to those you are very close to.

I had another of those moments where I didn't and I regret it. It is my belief that we don't just live one life, but many and that the people who are most influential in our lives, the ones that we feel the strongest connections with, are the ones that we find and have found over and over again in our past, present and future existences. If we are really open and in tune with our selves than we have the possibility to jump onto the same wavelength as those we love the most. We really need to stay in touch with ourselves and remain open minded about all possibilities, especially because the next generation (my children's generation) have the possibility of being much more in tune with the world around them and more susceptible to connecting with life's energies. If you ever have the sinking feeling that something is not quite right in the world and that energy seems to focus on one person in particular then pick up the phone and give them a call. It cant't hurt right? All you are doing is following an instinctual urge to talk to someone you care about. Either your instinct will be off and that's ok, it's an excuse to say hi and check in, or your instinct will be right on and you may find yourself being at the right place and the right time to make a difference in a moment that is going horribly wrong for someone you are divinely connected to. All I can say is keep your mind and heart open and who knows what you might discover about yourself and the world around you xx

My Winter Post

The background soundtrack to this post is "(MTV-Unplugged) Florence and the Machine".

I never add this detail, i guess because i do most of my posts quickly throughout the day and i am sitting here at night time with the most ethereal beautiful voice in the background and the fireplace spreading warmth throughout our home. 

As i sat down to think about the things that i was looking forward to this season it was with a heavy heart and a troubled mind that, in fact there is not much i could immediately think of. To be honest winter kind of depresses me, it's darker, colder and harder to cope with.

 (I am very distracted right now as i am completely captivated by Florence Welch, anyway.....)

It's so much harder to get up and get going in the mornings, and now, that we have a fireplace it will be even harder to leave the house. I guess maybe it's my state of mind right now as my head space could do with a little boost of positivity. There are things around the home that change with the season: more clothes are worn and needed to keep warm, hot hearty meals are desired, all of the blankets come out of storage. But also the ongoing, seemingly never ending, bouts of colds, flu's and sickness begin (or should i say have begun in our case).  I do enjoy my hot tea and coffee, my warm snuggles and the 'feeling' of warmth in general that overcomes me that we obviously don't enjoy when the days are hot. 

("It's hard to dance with the Devil on your back, so shake it off", this lyric is ringing true to me right now as it's being sung)

I am going to try my very hardest to enjoy this cold season as i have been trying very hard lately to embrace more of the small fleeting moments that i will never get back again. I have been trying to make a conscious effort to stop and be mindful of what is actually happening and not to slip in to 'autopilot mummy' mode. I have been trying to acknowledge the seemingly unimportant things that my children bring to my attention as to them having that acknowledgement might mean more than i'll ever know. I am also making an effort to do something that i am really passionate and inspired by and therefore i am embracing my love of photography with open arms and have decided to soak up as much information as i can. 

(needing to cut this short as baby boy has woken up sick and upset)   

I hope you are welcoming the cold in to yours lives in a more positive way than I am and even though i am not welcoming it, i plan to try and live it with acceptance.