Challenge

There are very many other things that I should be doing right now but if I don't get this out of my mind I'll dwell on it and my mind is already stuffy right now. Maybe it's that I'm feeling sensitive and run down a bit with the onset of a cold that's making me feel a bit more wary of it. I don't react we'll to confrontation or to being challenged, I never have and I most likely never will but here I am in the most challenging years of my life. I feel challenged and confronted in many different aspects of my life every single day several times a day. I react in different ways to different situations, some times I shut down, other times I meet these challenges head on and deal with them in a clear headed positive way, and some times I overreact without thinking. Every now and then I want a challenge free day, a day where I don't have to justify every tiny thing that I say or do, but to have a day like that would mean that I would have to be myself which will never happen for me. It's never that i don't want my life or that I don't embrace it and accept it, it's just sometimes even the most commited people just need a minute or an hour or two every once in a while away from the things that define them and make them who they are. I don't feel hard done by or sorry for myself I just needed to say it and get it out of my mind. Maybe acknowledging the feeling and letting it go will feel like enough for me. And to be honest I have chosen this life, I chose to make my life about family when I became a wife and mother and this is my defining role. Maybe it's just selfish human nature that drives me to want something other than this for myself for a moment sometimes. I know it's not too much to ask to desire time away from home life but every situation and person is different and perhaps if I  really desperately wanted the opportunities then I would create them for myself. Maybe I don't want them as much as I think I do? Maybe I'm just tired and struggling my way through this week. Maybe i do feel a little better now.