Plan,and asess

Sometimes the only action plan is to plan your next action. As I sit anxious and overwhelmed and yet achieving nothing, I'm forced to spend a few minutes trying to sort through the thoughts racing through my mind. I have many things/tasks/responsibilities that I need to keep working on, to finish and to start and I am finding it hard to sift through them all and work out what I should/need to be doing. There are a few constants that include work times and tasks that are always needing to be completed to keep my home and family going but it's all of the 'in between' stuff that drives me a bit insane. The house is the biggest cloud I have looming over my head, I feel claustrophobic and completely overwhelmed at what I need to get done. I sometimes envy my husband for the fact that he gets to leave his 'work' at 'work' whereas I have many jobs including being a housekeeper and mother and those two jobs cannot be left anywhere and are constantly around me. It's not the 'mother' part that bothers me, I love that part, even though it can be frustrating at times. Unless I'm leaving the house to go to my place of work outside of the home my 'jobsight' surrounds me 24/7. Sometimes I wish we had a bigger, better house with more storage and more room to move. Sometimes I wish that I could just box the whole lot up clean everything out and then only put back in the bare essentials. OK I'm complaining about things that some people wish they could complain about, as some people don't even have a decent home,  but in my defense we all need to vent sometimes. I just need to work out a really good plan and then ATTACK!!

I'm also wondering where  I became so frustrated and controlling. I got cranky at the toilet paper roll because it didn't tear off in the place I had envisioned it would. Who the hell resents a toilet roll? I'm constantly arguing with my 7 year old because he always has to be right about everything and always corrects what I say thinking he knows better. Makes me so angry..... but who cares if he thinks he's right or knows better? I feel like I should just be able to let him say and think what he wants and not stifle him with my version of correctness, allowing him to make his own decisions and mistakes if the case may be. I think I feel so out of control with some elements of my existence that I'm severely over compensate in others. It's really doing me no favors and I think I will,  just have to start remember to breathe before I speak and decide if the immediate reaction that instinctively appears is the one that I truly want to go with.

I think that's it for today, I'm feeling a little bit calmer and a little less overwhelmed. I am hoping that as soon as I press 'publish' I can stand up, pick some menial task, complete it and then allow myself to feel good for a few minutes..... before I go and immerse myself in a world of ice and fire 😊

Trusting in the process...

I don't feel happy all of the time. Certain people can make me feel happy effortlessly, like my children for example, joking, teasing, cuddling and conversing with them is a gaurunteed daily source of happiness. Even just for a fleeting moment. I am a very anxious person and though most people may see me as very social and extroverted, I am in fact more prone to enjoy my time by myself,  trying to find my peace and quiet and calm. I love people, I love to talk to, listen to and to help them but once I've had enough I need to shut everyone out. We are all  operate so differently and need to be allowed to experience our individuality.  In my heart I know that things will always be OK,  that I'll always have glimpses of happy but I'm just not sure that's enough. I know that my life could be different, better, but that involves some big changes and of course change is a very scary thing. For now I just have to trust in the process, have hope that instinctually I'll just figure it all out. 

Begin again...

It's been quite a while since I have visited my blog and shared my journey and thoughts, this little thing called 'life' got in the way :) I've been missing having a creative outlet but I'm really lost as to what it could be, this is a really good start. Thoughts are the very beginning of our creative process so writing mine out will bring me some satisfaction. In the last months since I've been here many things have changed, though many have stayed the same. I am back at work in a wonderful hair salon, working with a bunch of lovely ladies. I've also become a representative for an amazing makeup company. It's a little bit of a struggle but I'm not putting pressure on myself. My beautiful boys are getting older, both are at school now. I've been neglecting my yoga big time but I'm hoping to get back into it as soon as I can get motivated. I feel like I'm busy all of the time but my organisational skills are a little bit lacking and I think that if I could organise myself better I'd feel a lot less busy. I am also dreaming of enrolling in a fantastic new makeup academy that is coming to town to stay. I would absolutely love to complete a few makeup courses, I'd also love to get back into photography. I know all of these things are not possible for me right now but a girl can dream :D I hope that now I've begun putting words down in my blog that maybe I can use it to help encourage and motivate me back into doing the things that make me happy. Until next time x