The travel diary

We woke before 3am, there was a stillness about everything at this predawn hour. Having gulped down a quick, much needed coffee we roused the two sleeping princes. After a little grizzling the excitement kicked in. "Time to to to Canada" I said and this was met with feeble sleepy grins. Bundled into the truck with our luggage we set off on our adventure.

downside/upside

Downside

Things have been tough

Not complete life altering tough but me altering tough

I am starting to feel old

I never noticed things bothering me mentally or health wise so much until now

Sometimes i feel like i'm losing my grip, spiraling recklessly into a black hole

I have found it hard to write a 'blog post' as i am always honest. sometimes its hard to be honest

I know i'm being vague but that's the best that i can do

Upside

I am finding ways to quiet my mind in the oddest of places (namely a reality show that has just started)

We will have the most important area of our home renovated by the end of the month

I am slowly feeling like a responsible adult even though sometimes its just fleetingly so

My children (except for their momentary visits to the downside)

I can feel the season changing and its exciting 

I hope that i can get back to enjoying blogging again soon however i am generally an 'if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all' type of person, so i have found it hard to break through my state of negativity to write anything worthwhile reading.

Just for fun...

I was asked recently to share a couple of my (very rough) sketches. I'm a little in love with manga and anime particularly Hayao Miyizaki's work. I love the whimsical feel of the adventures, they transport me to a magical place where everything and anything is possible. So here they are :)

and then they said this....

05.07.2013

"I need rice crackers, they are in the cupboard probably" 

Finny

I find this sweet because he has just discovered the word 'probably' within the last month and he is finding as many opportunities to use it as he can, sometimes even within context! 

"Can I please have a cup of Dairy Farmers?"

Owen

Dairy Farmers for those of you who may not know is a brand of milk. We only buy Dairy Farmers (as opposed to generic brands) now so we can support the farmers as much as we can. He has taken a liking to calling it by it's brand name for some reason, which I find rather endearing. 

New series of posts

I am going to start a series of post entitled "and then they said this".
It's always lovely and funny to be able to remember as many of the little 'sayings' that our children have as we can but up to this point I have never thought of journaling them. Well now I will start :) I might even go back through some of my 'Facebook' history to see if I can find some of the quotes that I have posted in the past. But for now I will post the things that they come up with as posts on my blog here and label them "and then they said this".
Hope you enjoy and feel free to do the same or similar as I know how important memories are especially as our children grow so quickly. Oh and let me know if you do write some similar posts as I'd love to read.
xx

Meanwhile....

I have been wanting to write a post however I have nothing nice to say so I won't say anything more than this. But I'm still here.

Shhhhh......

Do you ever wish that you had a secret?

Ok this is a bit of a random post but as i was completing some mundane household tasks and listening to some music this morning i was transported, as always, into my own little head-space. This is a place where jumping onto the train of thought can lead you to ambiguous places. I jumped around through various different thought processes until finally settling on one that captured my attention for long enough to give it some prolonged thought. In the end i decided that it was thought provoking enough for me to have to stop what i was doing (unfortunately for my pile of dishes) and to pour these thoughts out of my mind, through my fingers and onto this page. 

So do you ever wish you had a secret? 

I am not talking about something like an affair or an assassination attempt or a theft or anything serious like that, i am simply talking about having something that is truly just your own. Maybe a diary with the wonderful, continuing  story of your life or a book of amazing poetry, song lyrics or drawings that never see the light of day unless solely in your presence? Or a project that you work on that nobody knows about and may never know about?  I have nothing like that. My life is an open book, very descriptive of who i am. I am open, honest and sharing, sociable, caring, giving  and i talk.... a lot (i also have some bad qualities but i am choosing not to go there today). I share my daily life with anyone who will listen (maybe sometimes to my own detriment as some may get tired of hearing it), i share my 'diary' which is this right here that you are reading now, and i share any passion projects that i have openly. I guess i am a proud person too, I like to get a reaction for the things that i think that i have done well and have a talent for. I know i do crave acknowledgement from others (also  to my own detriment). 

I think i need a secret.

I think that i need something that i can do on my own and for myself and only for myself. Something that may potentially never be shared with anyone else and might not ever see the light of day . I think i need this to  get back to feeling self satisfied. Too often i seek acknowledgement elsewhere and if i don't get the feedback that i think i desire, then i feel unhappy with myself and what i have done no matter how much work and thought went in to it. This isn't a negative post, it isn't a post to say all of things that a wrong in my life and it isn't being written to ask for anything more from anyone else. I am blessed with an amazing, loving family, friends that are so wonderful that i sometimes feel unworthy of having them and a life that is sweet and inspired. I think this needs to be my something that I can fail at without having anyone know I'm failing or to succeed at without putting pressure on myself to do so. 

What will my secret be?

I guess you may never know, lovely reader. Maybe every now and then i may drop a hint or write an obscure and whimsical post eluding to it or maybe i won't write anything or share anything at all. In the end i just hope that you are getting everything that you want and desire from the life that you are living. If not then i hope you are on the path to finding inspiration, fulfillment and satisfaction, no matter how long, winding and steep this journey may be.  I do feel as though i am on my way, i just need to keep connecting with myself and keep my heart and mind open. 

xx

School holidays: Day 5

Busy but not in the right way.
Today we cancelled our scheduled trip to the museum. I feel run down and my niece had hurt her foot last night. So we decided that we'd have any easy day today. At about 9 am I made a decision that changed the course of the day and not for the better. I changed and appointment with a kitchen designer from moday to today at 2pm. In doing that I turned an otherwise quiet slow day into a major pain and stress. We ended up deciding to go to the pet shop to salvage the day a little and to use the plan for tomorrow, today. Do the children had a look at all of the different animals and then when we got back to nannies (which is where we spent the day) they drew some pictures and engaged each other in a conversation about what they had seen. I had to rush off to the appointment, which was horrid. Today was a down day. I feel like I want to be doing south more than I can right now my mind says 'go' and my body says 'no way'. This is as much as I can write today and no pictures. I still have to catch up on pictures from yesterday. Hope tomorrow is more successful.

School holidays: Day 4

Busy but not in the right way.

Today we cancelled our scheduled trip to the museum. I feel run down and my niece had hurt her foot  last night. So we decided  that we'd have any easy day today. At about 9 am I made a decision that changed the course of the day and not for the better. I changed and appointment with a kitchen designer from moday to today at 2pm. In doing that I turned an otherwise quiet slow day into a major pain and stress. We ended up deciding to go to the pet shop to salvage the day a little and to use the plan for tomorrow, today. Do the children had a look at all of the different animals and then when we got back to nannies (which is where we spent the day) they drew some pictures and engaged each other in a conversation about what they had seen. I had to rush off to the appointment, which was horrid. Today was a down day. I feel like I want to be doing south more than I can right now my mind says 'go' and my body says 'no way'. This is as much as I can write today and no pictures. I still have to catch up on pictures from yesterday. Hope tomorrow is more successful. 

Our school holidays Day 3

A short post.
I'm feeling pretty horrid tonight and have been all day, which really sucks as getting a cold/sinus was not in my holiday plan!! As much as I didn't feel up to it today I still followed the plan and took my little guys to buy veggie and herb plants today. It probably wasn't the best thing to do, by 4:00 this afternoon (which was when we finally planted them) I was really ready to take it easy. The planting was rushed and unplanned and it's all over the place BUT we do have a little garden to call our own. It has a few carrots, snow peas, purple cauliflower and a bunch of herbs (rosemary, thyme, chives, coriander and parsley). If we get nothing else out of this day but the experience it was worth while. I also had somebody come and measure my kitchen and showed me a plan of what it could look like which was brilliant to see. I do have some pictures from the day to share however they will have to wait for just a little while. I may change my plan for tomorrow as it was going to be a day out and I am not sure if I will feel up to it. Will see what happens.

Challenge

There are very many other things that I should be doing right now but if I don't get this out of my mind I'll dwell on it and my mind is already stuffy right now. Maybe it's that I'm feeling sensitive and run down a bit with the onset of a cold that's making me feel a bit more wary of it. I don't react we'll to confrontation or to being challenged, I never have and I most likely never will but here I am in the most challenging years of my life. I feel challenged and confronted in many different aspects of my life every single day several times a day. I react in different ways to different situations, some times I shut down, other times I meet these challenges head on and deal with them in a clear headed positive way, and some times I overreact without thinking. Every now and then I want a challenge free day, a day where I don't have to justify every tiny thing that I say or do, but to have a day like that would mean that I would have to be myself which will never happen for me. It's never that i don't want my life or that I don't embrace it and accept it, it's just sometimes even the most commited people just need a minute or an hour or two every once in a while away from the things that define them and make them who they are. I don't feel hard done by or sorry for myself I just needed to say it and get it out of my mind. Maybe acknowledging the feeling and letting it go will feel like enough for me. And to be honest I have chosen this life, I chose to make my life about family when I became a wife and mother and this is my defining role. Maybe it's just selfish human nature that drives me to want something other than this for myself for a moment sometimes. I know it's not too much to ask to desire time away from home life but every situation and person is different and perhaps if I  really desperately wanted the opportunities then I would create them for myself. Maybe I don't want them as much as I think I do? Maybe I'm just tired and struggling my way through this week. Maybe i do feel a little better now.

School Holiday Journal: Day 2

I'm exhausted! 

So are 2 little boys 

Today was our day to visit our friends. We made the effort to take the 20 minute drive out to my besties house, which I do not do nearly enough but i plan to do more (if she'll have us). Originally it was because of my fears of driving but the more I do it the better I feel about it. She made me a lovely coffee and we took baking for morning tea to share. The kids ran madly around having a go at whatever they could get their little hands on. Drawing, leggo, doll's houses, computer games and various other toys. They had a wonderful time and were nice and tired by the time we decided to head home. Little boy fell asleep in the car only to wake when we got home, essentially swapping his nap for a 20min power snooze. Big boy wanted to use the computer when we got home so he cleaned his play room and then i let him as a very rare treat. I did a quick houseclean before my niece came over and then my sister in law and nephew arrived. From then in the rest of my day is a blur if botched hair dye jobs, screaming running crazy loud children x4, overwhelmingly tired body and dysfunctional brain, the onset of sinus irritation, a quick thrown together dinner and finally crawling into bed. Oh did I add that two little boys had haircuts first thing this morning (they are so gorgeous)

I am enjoying the full days and I love that my boys are exhausted by the end and go to bed without any argument. I think if I wasn't feeling so tired I'd be coping better. 

So I am in bed at 7:30 so I can hopefully catch up on some sleep tonight and be rested for another full day tomorrow. 

Our school holiday diary: Day 1

What a day!!! Today was Baking day and we were meant to do a time capsule activity too but did painting instead.

We baked three different types of goodies which was a huge push for me because I love baking and cooking but i hate my kitchen, or rather the lack of space in it. Two little boys and I made chocolate slice and cheeky Anzac cookies (with carrot purée). The recipes were both from school: The Anzac one brought home by Owen from school and the Slice one was from when i did Food Technology at school. After this we picked up my lovely niece and visited the movie shop to get our usual $1.00 weekly movie each. When we got home it was lunch time and time for the little boy to sleep. While he slept the two older children played an imaginative game and I made mandarin cupcakes and added the rest of the carrot purée. I then mixed the paints and tacked some paper to the back fence. Little boy woke so they all went and had a wonderful time being artistic. When they were done it was time to ice the cupcakes with dark chocolate chip frosting. After 3 or 4 loads of dishes, vacuuming 3 times, sorting a little of the washing out and getting done all of the above activities this mum is a bit tired! Nearly time to put a movie on for each of the boys as they have had no tv time today which is a challenge in itself, and for me to have a quick cup of Earl Grey before I put the roast on for dinner.

Super Moon

Sometimes in life things get overwhelming and negative. And then sometimes things happen that cause you to freeze in a moment, take a deep breath and remember what life is all about. Tonight I had a few of those moments. Just my camera, tripod and I having a quiet moment in the cool night air, watching the blanket of clouds block out the brilliant glow of the moon, only to dissipated moments later leaving me with a few moments of the breathtaking view that was tonight's 'Super Moon'. I am pretty tired typing this and I am sure it will warrant a few corrections but I just wanted to  share some shots with you.

School Holiday Program

Last school holidays were unproductive, boring and a real struggle to get through. The children fought and argued the whole time due to boredom and lack of stimulation. This time i have created a simple program of activities and outings, one for each day of the two week except for the two Sundays (sometimes brains and bodies do need a little rest time). Some of these activities have been inspired by a 'Family Fun' calendar that i purchased at the start of the year, it has a theme for each month and includes activity sheets. We are 6 months behind (yes that means we haven't done any of them at all yet).  I am going to share the program here and hopefully keep you updated on how it's progressing. I have also purchased cheap scrapbooks so that the children can create a holiday journal and they keep all of their activities that they complete in it. The link is below.

June/July School Holiday Program

Enjoying obscurity

I rather enjoyed writing my last post so as I am enjoying a quiet (ok semi-quiet) moment I wanted to write another.

A splat painting, a straw blown painting and a masterpiece.

Hot, black and sweet... Liquid heaven

Sunshine after the rain

Enthusiastic activity planning

A clean and tidy home

Tired eyes that threaten to close and welcome blissful, much needed slumber

Washing to do, washing to hang, to fold and to put away

Being practical and making hard practical decisions even when you have your heart set on something, like bamboo 

Writing things that don't quite add up or make sense

X 

A little touch of huh?

I'm having a bit of an obscure kind of day so I am writing an obscure kind of post.

Off white, bamboo and a touch of chocolate perhaps?

Big deep baths

That second coffee this morning

My darling friend who enjoys the same quirks as I

A kleptomaniac and a clinger

Bright orange and yellow flames devouring wood

Afternoon sunshine

The prospect of something new and exciting 

Mid-week takeaway... Just because

Love, cuddles and laughter

Opening up our home....

If you'd have been a fly on my wall over the  past 48 hours there's a good chance you'd have seen my frenzied cleaning and tidying efforts. We had a valuer come through our home today. We are hoping we can get a little top up on our loan so that the kitchen and bathroom can be done. At the moment I don't love our kitchen and it's become even worse due to the water leak and resulting mould in part of the cupboards. Today I'd like to invite you in to see some of the spaces in our home and perhaps you might get to know me a little better.
1: Dining area with my sweet little boy, fresh flowers from our hedge and our 70+ year old table
2: My children's play space
3: The kitchen- the cause of alot of my stress and happiness
4: The bedroom contains side tables hand made by my Pop and a little jewellery tree gifted to me by my gorgeous 5 year old
5: 'My chair' next to the fireplace, I have spend many many hours rocking my boys to sleep, reading stories and just having cuddles on this chair. Also my handmade dream catchers hang on the wall.
6: The rest of our living area- shelves containing an eclectic mix of stuff.

Trust your instincts

Trust your instincts, especially when it comes to those you are very close to.

I had another of those moments where I didn't and I regret it. It is my belief that we don't just live one life, but many and that the people who are most influential in our lives, the ones that we feel the strongest connections with, are the ones that we find and have found over and over again in our past, present and future existences. If we are really open and in tune with our selves than we have the possibility to jump onto the same wavelength as those we love the most. We really need to stay in touch with ourselves and remain open minded about all possibilities, especially because the next generation (my children's generation) have the possibility of being much more in tune with the world around them and more susceptible to connecting with life's energies. If you ever have the sinking feeling that something is not quite right in the world and that energy seems to focus on one person in particular then pick up the phone and give them a call. It cant't hurt right? All you are doing is following an instinctual urge to talk to someone you care about. Either your instinct will be off and that's ok, it's an excuse to say hi and check in, or your instinct will be right on and you may find yourself being at the right place and the right time to make a difference in a moment that is going horribly wrong for someone you are divinely connected to. All I can say is keep your mind and heart open and who knows what you might discover about yourself and the world around you xx

My Winter Post

The background soundtrack to this post is "(MTV-Unplugged) Florence and the Machine".

I never add this detail, i guess because i do most of my posts quickly throughout the day and i am sitting here at night time with the most ethereal beautiful voice in the background and the fireplace spreading warmth throughout our home. 

As i sat down to think about the things that i was looking forward to this season it was with a heavy heart and a troubled mind that, in fact there is not much i could immediately think of. To be honest winter kind of depresses me, it's darker, colder and harder to cope with.

 (I am very distracted right now as i am completely captivated by Florence Welch, anyway.....)

It's so much harder to get up and get going in the mornings, and now, that we have a fireplace it will be even harder to leave the house. I guess maybe it's my state of mind right now as my head space could do with a little boost of positivity. There are things around the home that change with the season: more clothes are worn and needed to keep warm, hot hearty meals are desired, all of the blankets come out of storage. But also the ongoing, seemingly never ending, bouts of colds, flu's and sickness begin (or should i say have begun in our case).  I do enjoy my hot tea and coffee, my warm snuggles and the 'feeling' of warmth in general that overcomes me that we obviously don't enjoy when the days are hot. 

("It's hard to dance with the Devil on your back, so shake it off", this lyric is ringing true to me right now as it's being sung)

I am going to try my very hardest to enjoy this cold season as i have been trying very hard lately to embrace more of the small fleeting moments that i will never get back again. I have been trying to make a conscious effort to stop and be mindful of what is actually happening and not to slip in to 'autopilot mummy' mode. I have been trying to acknowledge the seemingly unimportant things that my children bring to my attention as to them having that acknowledgement might mean more than i'll ever know. I am also making an effort to do something that i am really passionate and inspired by and therefore i am embracing my love of photography with open arms and have decided to soak up as much information as i can. 

(needing to cut this short as baby boy has woken up sick and upset)   

I hope you are welcoming the cold in to yours lives in a more positive way than I am and even though i am not welcoming it, i plan to try and live it with acceptance. 

21/52

you can check out this weeks picture here at my picture blog

Join me for a cuppa

I have noticed quite a few bloggers do an invitational blog, inviting readers into their home and into their life as they sit and enjoy one of life's wonderful comforts: a hot drink. For me it will be a semi-sweet black coffee, or a mildly sweet black earl grey tea. For a treat it's a takeaway coffee from a place here called Zarraffa's- black with hazelnut syrup added.
Today i am elated to be opening an invitation to you lovely reader, and I welcoming you into our humble home. I am sitting here in my 'usual' place, which is a rocking chair that we purchased when found out we were expecting baby brown eyes number one. It has seen better days, the material is starting to deteriorate so it is covered with a bed sheet, it also has my favorite blanket draped over it, the one that my husband gifted me on my first mothers day to keep me and baby warm on the chilly nights that i sat up feeding and cuddling out beautiful children. I have an earl grey tea next to me on a Gargoyle coaster that my mother brought be back from Notre Dame and now it is perfect drinking temperature so there will be a lot of pauses in my typing (not that you will notice). If i had you here however we would be sitting at our 80 year old dining table that was lovingly restored by my poppy and we would be enjoying our hot drinks and perhaps a snack there. Today you would be lucky to get more than fruit or nuts as i haven't done any baking for a long while and i very rarely buy biscuits from the shops. We would be toasty and warm with the very recent (3 days ago) addition of a fireplace to our home, it has been the most blissful feeling having a house with heating. We would most likely be talking about our children as that seems to be a very common topic among those of us with them, as much as we enjoy spending time with adults the conversation usually drifts back to this common and most comfortable topic. We may from time to time chat about other things that are happening in our lives that have nothing to do with our children though, perhaps a television show that we both enjoy or a hobby that we both share? I would be enjoying myself immensely as i love to be around people. Unfortunately however my time is up and my tea is done. So i hope to see you again soon.

new header

so instead of writing a more interesting post to follow the last rambling one i decided to make a new header instead and used the same type of thing on my other blog over here. I hope you enjoy :)

Taking a time out...

I am taking a 'forced' timeout while our fireplace is being installed.
I am trying to stay as 'out of the way' as i can as i don't want the installers to think that i am 'overseeing' their work. There would be nothing worse than to feel like someone was watching and scrutinizing your every move.... not that i would actually know what they were meant to be doing! It's always weird having strangers in your home though, i always feel i need to stay out of the way when we have people like pest control or anyone in to fix anything. I guess that's the 'female' in me, maybe if i were a male i would have to stand over them and make sure they were doing everything perfectly.  
I have tidied up the bedrooms, done the dishes, put the washing on and have no basic tasks left to do so i thought it would be the best time to visit my blog as i didn't think it appropriate to sit on the couch and watch TV while they work ha ha! I have my very best 'busy' face on and am ignoring them as much as i can :) It is really funny listening to their conversation though, wondering if they wished that i wasn't here so that they could swear!
I am really looking forward to having the fireplace in the house though and i was very disappointed thinking that it may not be put in today as rain has been predicted and of course, for once, the weather man was right. Luckily they got here at 8:00 am, and the rain started at 9:00 am.
As you can tell i am rambling because i don't really have that much to say on the subject. I may follow this post with another one a little more interesting :)

Sharing thoughts and moments

At this moment i do have plenty of other things that i could be doing, should be doing in fact, but if i don't do a quick post then i will feel a little bit disheartened as i haven't had much of a chance to blog lately. 

Last week i was asked to be a 'makeup model' for a friend who is completing a beauty therapy course. I said yes because it sounded like fun. It was really interesting to myself and the others around me transform as the day went by but it was a little nerve wracking having to have individual pictures taken in front of a whole group of strangers. I had so much make-up on, being that i have never had a 'professional' do makeup on me before it was a very new experience. Here are a few 'selfies' that i took, my lips were a lot pinker originally and my hair was out and a bit crazy. I am excited to see the professional photographers shots.

It is also starting to get very chilly here at the moment. We are a few says away from having a fireplace installed and i am very very excited about it! We have a lay down hearth ready to go and the fireplace (which we were so lucky to have been given) is out in the shed. I have been putting as many clothes on myself and my little boys as i can possibly get away with. The hats and beanies have for sure come out of hiding!

The coffee and tea is becoming more and more desirable to keep frozen hands warm as are the slow cooked meals and roasts to keep the cold bodies warm. We have two little boys crawling into our bed every-night when they start to freeze, but i don't mind because they give the best warm cuddles. 

I am also loving the snuggles in the couch sharing a blanket together, warms the body, heart and soul.

I guess that's all for now as there are jobs that need doing. Hopefully it won'r be long before i am back to visit this little space again

 ♥♥♥

Project 52

I am following along with the project at this lovely blog and thought i might add the links to my posts over at my other blog. You can find them  here xx

Contemplation and a cup of Tea

Sitting outside on this cold and blustery day, I am watching the sun peek quickly through the clouds only to disappear again within moments. It took me a little longer than it should have today to convince myself to brave the weather in order for my little brown eyed boy to have some much needed outside play. Sitting in our not so quiet yard in the middle of a not-so-quiet neighbourhood I began to think about why I am sharing thought processes and experiences here. I guess for me, like so many others this is kind of an open diary where I get to speak to whoever will listen and in some cases make myself accountable for the things that I hope to achieve in this life that I was gifted with. I believe that i do live an inspired life, I love people and the way that only another human being can make you feel. No matter how much 'stuff' we have in our lives, nothing will ever compare to a warm hug or a few words spoken from the heart. So that's my contemplation while I drink my cup of Earl Grey tea.

Love your body - Free your mind blog

I thought i was done blogging (at least writing them) for the night. However i just read the first post in this new blog here and it gave me goosebumps so i thought 'why not dive in and give myself some acknowledgement today'. Maybe this post came at the perfect time after i just finished writing this post earlier.
So in this post we are asked to:

 "grab a piece of paper and write down 5 things about yourself that you are proud of  - 10 things if you dare! This could include aspects of your personality, an special achievement, a good deed, anything! Then, read that list back to yourself, and come and leave a comment on this blog and and let me know how reading that list made you feel"

I'll give it a try.

1. I am proud that i am trying to make positive changes to improve my parenting

2. I am proud that i am making more of my time available to my children

3. I am proud that i would consider myself to be a good friend

4. I am proud that i am making an attempt to create a healthy diet for my family

5. I am proud of my creative abilities


I think 5 is enough for me and i found that pretty hard. It is true that we find it so easy to say so many nice things to others yet when it comes to saying anything nice about ourselves we really have to take the time to think about it. 

Looking forward to exploring more of these posts.

Lunchbox Obsession

Is happiness really easier?

Its easier to smile than it is to frown.... you use less facial muscles

Easier said than done

Even though i find something or someone who inspires me each day, be it a new idea or beautiful words, i still find it hard to find satisfaction in life. I have jumped, boots and all (actually thongs in my case), into an attempted new positive and routine based existence but i find it hard, really hard to stay motivated about anything for longer than it takes me to come up with the idea in the first place. I have a problem with my mind running a mile a minute and the minutes in the day just seem to slip through my grasp. I sometimes think about what i could have possibly done with any spare time that i may have had before i had my children.... not that i would ever wish for a life without them..... not even for a second..... i guess the selfish in me would just like to complete a lot of the things i start that i don't have the capacity to get done. My life is a mish-mash of half finished projects and maybe that weighs on me a little more than i should let it? So i find myself losing my motivational mojo just as regularly as it comes to me.

So back to the smiling thing, i guess what i'm getting at is that even though some may say it's physically easier to smile, in many moments of my day i find it easier to react in the way that i have allowed myself to become accustomed to reacting, and that is to frown, i'm doing it right now as i write this post... and i'm squinting a little as i can't see properly..... so right at this second its a bit of a squint frown thing going on.... but back to the point, and that is that i'm realising that smiling is actually something that i am going to have to work on. I wonder if my 5 year old self had ever thought that in the future this would become an issue? Now I've acknowledged it i think i can change it.

A few quick things about me....

I am an emotional person who is moved to tears on a regular basis especially by things and people that inspire me

The thing I value most I value most in life is my relationships with others 

(My camera comes in a close second ) 

I live in an unorganised chaos but I'm on my way to organising it....

Couldn't live without the chaos 

I have a definite addiction to chips 

I love to learn 

I very rarely drink alcohol and on the rare occasion that i do it has to be a cocktail 

I am a very picky eater however I am trying really hard to expand my tastes and food experiences in saying that, I love to bake and cook for others 

One of the greatest feelings that I've ever come across is the satisfaction of doing things for others 

I have been know to be called 'a bit of a hippie' due to my sense of style however I am kind of an eclectic mix of hippie, boho, tribal and gypsy...... And stay at home mum... ha ha!

(Edit since posting) I forgot to mention that I am human and I do tend to lose my shit on occasion ;) 

Sharing

As part of this journey that i'm embarking on i want to be able to share some of the things that i'm learning along the way that have given me insight or made things a little easier.
I love making my own little templates to print out for day to day things and i will share some of these with you too ☺
Tonight i am going to share the checklist that i made for big brother (if i can figure out how to do so). I created this to help take some stress away from us both in the mornings. It has been laminated and will soon be stuck to the wall in the front entrance. This way my it can be quickly checked off without any fuss and jobs that are sometimes forgotten will be remembered without confusion and drama. Hopefully you can follow the link below to a simple daily checklist that can be printed, laminated and ticked off everyday. I hope you enjoy.

Daily Checklist

House manual

It is written
Am sure I will add and change things as time goes on but the basics of it are down on paper.... At least they will be when i visit the printers (a.k.a. Nannies lol) this afternoon, possibly laminate some check lists as well. Will hopefully share some pages with you in the coming days. I hope you're enjoying this little journey of change ☺

New day: New attitude

Today has started out quite well so far. I got up this morning, turned the TV off at the power point and covered it with a sheet. Little brother reacted with "i want toonies on!!" however i asked if he'd like to read a book instead, then we played felt faces for 10 minutes. When big brother got up he played felt faces for a little bit and then we all sat together at the dining table and ate breakfast..... yes i actually ate a bowl of oats this morning. I had a lovely conversation with big brother about the changes that will occur and asked him for his input. I then got out the laptop and started working on our family/household manual, including chore chart printouts, task lists and guidelines. I am very much a planner and i am very good at organizing things however its following through on any of it that i have a problem with. However i am 100% committed to this change and in saying this i had better get off the computer and get back to living ☺♥♪

A Vow

I've been thinking a lot about life lately; how i see myself, how others see me, how i would like to see myself. Most of my thought processes have been rather miserable, self centered and negative and it took a little scare today to wake me up and bring me back to reality. I guess you could say i have been feeling a bit depressed, I've been so caught up on playing one of life's victims when i could actually be playing a hero, which is how i would like to be seen by my two most precious little boys. The grey cloud that I've been hiding behind feels as though it has lifted and instead of thinking why me, why does this always happen to me, why does my life suck, why do people seem to be able to stress me out and piss me off so easily, i am thinking well actually why not me? I've been self involved, unhealthy, and unavailable. I have managed to find myself seriously caught up in other peoples lives and even though i love to be involved with others, especially those that i love, i have found that i am prioritizing it all wrong and because of this lack of judgement the things i do for others seem to have far more importance than the things i do for my own special little family. I need to put them and myself first and then if i have the time and energy left i would love to be able to use it to help others .I love my friends but i know in my heart that i need to prioritize my little family just as they should theirs.  As a mother of the two most beautiful children one could imagine i have decided that this current state of living isn't good enough, changes need to occur and quickly. Instead of thinking about all of the things that i would love to do, have and be i am going to actually do them, have them and be them. So tonight i am making a vow. In about 5 months i'll be turning 30 years old (yes i said thirty!) by this time i want to be living the life i deserve, and that my family deserves. So i am going to make a list of the things that i plan to do to achieve this goal.

I vow to:

Always be available to my family (especially my children) and not just present
Avoid social networking and to only use it at certain decided times
Drastically reduce the amount of time the family relies on technology for entertainment
Create a healthy meal plan and start eating properly myself (no more skipping breakfast)
Involve myself and the children in more active time
Set aside 'special time' each day for each child
Allow myself a certain day to do something creative each week
Allow myself some time away from the children to be and adult and not just a mum
Set myself a household routine
Encourage a weekly family activity that isn't technology based (e.g. watching a movie)

I am sure there will be a few more things that i will think of but these are a few of the things that i really feel that i need to work on. I have realised more and more that i am treating my children like more of a hindrance and that is absolutely not the way i view them, they are my heart and my whole universe so i need to start treating them as such, and i also want to feel like i deserve to have another child, if that's what this life intends. So this is it, hopefully with some good planning and some even better follow through i will be embracing this short life with a much more positive perspective. See you on the other side (the better one..... you know where the grass is greener)

'Bucket List' before 30

Someone mentioned recently on Facebook that they should have a 'bucket list' of things that they would like to do before turning 30. The more I think about it the more I think it's a fantastic idea and one that I'd like to do myself. There are many many things that I keep saying that I want to do: take a class, get another tattoo, try new things, have some photos taken so I am going to come up with a list and start working to get it done. I think it will have to be a very flexible list as there are things that might happen this year to change it and I will hopefully start with a couple of things and then add to it but I am hoping to end up with 30 items (fitting with the theme). All items will be in no particular order of timing or importance as long as i get as much done before September 23rd. Number one on the list has been completed and that was to try out Zumba which I did today so that counts. Wish me luck!

Parenting 101: Toddler Taming

Firstly I'm on the fence about whether or not to call my almost 3 year old a 'toddler' anymore because to me 'toddler' implies that he still has some baby left but he is a real little boy now, no baby left at all. Anyway my little brown eyed boy and I had to go shopping for garbage bins which I knew would not be a very pleasant outing due to his response to being told "I no wanna go shops, I wanna go nannies!" First thing he noticed as we walked through the centre was one of those motorised rides which happened to be a 'Big Red Car' and knowing his favourite thing in the world is the Wiggles I told him he could have a turn if was really well behaved while I bin shopped. He was relatively good (except for asking multiple times for his ride) so that earned him his reward. We left the shop and I gave him money to put in, before we did so I warned him that he was only having 1 turn and 1 money because mummy wasn't giving him anymore than that. So Mr Brown-Eyes loved his ride until it stopped and I gently reminded him of what I had said but he could sit there just a little longer. Then it was time to go, cue the waterworks and his refusal to leave. I started to walk away saying I was leaving, he sat there still refusing to move (this tactic always works on his big brother but only sometimes works with him). So I went and picked him up and brought him over to where I'd left the trolley. He lost it, crying, yelling and threw himself in the ground. This was when I started to get a little embarrassed but I took a deep breath and calmly said to him "that's fine we'll just wait till your done" to which a passer by commented "good work mum", So that was a lot nicer than the dirty looks mums usually get. Then the funniest thing happened, some might think it mean but It was bloody effective. A scrubby looking bearded long haired man walked up and said "hey what are you doing, you listen to your mum or I'll tip a bucket of water on you". Mr Brown-Eyes got up quickly completely shitting himself and pressed himself against me. I gave the man a thankful smile and we walked swiftly away. My little boy was on his best behaviour for the rest of our shopping. When we got to the car I asked him what had happened and why he think it happened. He said the man was gonna put water on him for yelling at mummy and that he didn't want that and he didn't like the man. I think that it was a good little lesson for my little boy and some may think it excessive but I bet that from now all all it will take to prevent a repeat of the behaviour will be a gentle warning about the man who comes to throw a bucket of water on you if you throw a tantrum at the shops. So thank you random strangers for your encouragement and support. I am sure Mr Brown Eyes will for sure think twice about a shopping centre tantrum in the future.

Sometimes

Sometimes in life you get those moments where you are sitting by yourself in a place that offers no comfort to you at all but you are stuck there until your task is complete so you just take a moment to think
Sometimes you choose to spend more time than is necessary waiting around just to see a little face that you have been missing even though it has only been 7 hours
Sometimes when life seems to really be taking its toll and you are ready to give up something happens to give you some moments of peace and joy
Sometimes things that are so bad for us are just so good
Sometimes I sit and write the random cryptic thoughts that are running through mind
Sometimes

Sitting waiting thinking

I seem to spend a lot of my day waiting and organising since my beautiful big boy started school. Organising for school then waiting at school for it to start. Organising for school pick up and then waiting at school for him to finish. I don't mind it at all, in fact I like being places early and being able to sit and take a few deep breaths before I get out of the car. That is where I am right now, sitting in the car on dreary miserable day waiting to go to my little Mister's classroom. While I sat I thought I would share a few fun photos that may have been otherwise forgotten xo

Lunchbox Obsession today

Squeeze yogurt, mini pizzas, strawberries and grapes, carrots and hummus and a little star lamington. Love my little big guy xoxo

Dollars and Sense

How important is money to you and how do you speak with your children about the value of it? I am about in the middle I think, I like to be able to splurge on things that I would deem unnecessary on a regular basis. We go to the movie shop at least once a week, $20 easily, we get a takeaway 'meal' at least twice a week, at least $30 each time, and if we go to the shops there is always extra money spent on a little food or toy treat. When you think about how that would add up it really makes you think, but it actually doesn't bother me that much because I enjoy it and I don't feel guilty about it, yes granted takeaway especially those like the dreaded 'M' word are so bad for you but my food motto is 'everything in moderation'. Buying the children 'treats' on a regular basis needs to be forgotten about though and I haven't been to bad about it since I have come to realise just how much 'stuff' my little boys do have. So I guess what I am getting at is that I'm not a tight ass nor am I an over spender.
As far as the children are concerned, we opened them a bank account each when they were born and have been transferring an amount of money into it each week. This will be used to either further their education or to put towards a vehicle if they choose to leave school and do a trade. Preferably they won't access it until they are at least 18-21. We also have a few little places around the house that seem to be collecting little piles of change constantly, these get popped into their piggy banks and over the years we have managed to add a couple of hundred dollars to their accounts. As far as them spending money is concerned we do allow them to spend their birthday and Christmas money on whatever they want but if they constantly ask for things through the year we remind them of how hard daddy works to make the money and if they want us to spend it all then there won't be any left for special times like birthdays and Christmas. I don't ever want my children to be worried about money but I want them to be aware of its value.
This is why I think that it might be time for me to start a job chart and have them earn a little pocket money. There are always thing around the house that I expect them to do and they won't get paid for, for example cleaning up after themselves, but there are certainly things that they could do to help me like wiping tables and folding clothes. That way if they earn a couple of dollars a week and then expect to buy an item for $50 they will realise that, no they can't and they would have to work and save super hard if they really really want it.
Just some thoughts for today.